CD and I have been going to therapy now for awhile. I have to say I am fully embracing this and even looking forward to our sessions. It started out as a way for us to try to learn more about how to communicate within an Asperger's relationship. Along the way though, I've really taken to learning about how it is my brain works too. So here is what I know, what I've learned and all how that corresponds to how I feel and react.
I've always said that I see everything in the form of variables. I think, at times, that can seem off putting to people or make me seem a bit cold. I'm quite unapologetic for the way I think and often discuss how I think it's the best way b/c it's logic based. I know, at times, when emotions are high for others - they don't quite appreciate the black/white route I take.
As we sit in therapy and discuss conversations or arguments we have had - and then break them down to figure out what went wrong where, I'm learning some very important things about my own brain f(x)ing.
For starters, I really do process everything as variables. My mind inputs data, processes it and then moves on to the next piece of data entering it. Everything to me is data processing. Small scale - Large scale - everything.
One of my big issues is getting so frustrated so quickly by little things. It's this that I know I have to work on if I really do want to make a run for political office. I have to better be able to adjust to things that just don't make sense to me, listen to ideas that don't fit into my train of thought and then be able to process them smoothly.
So this is good.
I joke about working on my Obama face. However, there is a lot of truth in that. I was talking to PJM about Obama and he said to me something to the effect of "that guy is so smart. watch him - when he is sitting in a room listening to people talk he is thinking about a policy that is over this guys head and you never see it" So I watch him, and I think there is a lot of truth in that. People make fun of him for being 'cool' - but no matter the topic, the place or the tone, Obama is consistent - you can't read his face. I'm working on this. I'm certain he is listening and processing but he is slowing down the process and responding in his own time and manner. I need to learn and own that.
For now CD and I sit and talk and learn about ourselves and each other. It's amazing how far we've come just by starting to learn how the other one f(x)s. Much like I just noticed it, knowing it has allowed us to slow down issues and look at them - process them and respond to them. There are times we still are reacting in the moment, but by having the variables to look at helps.
I've learned my emotions whether happy, angry, frustrated or loving are often a direct result of the experience that has just happened. Of course making/meeting expectations plays a huge role, and sometimes hormones overtake thought but still, for the most part I'm so happy knowing that I have the ability to slow down the processing of my variables and react accordingly and if they data coming in doesn't match up with expectations to back up - reset - and figure it out.
Therapy is good. It makes me feel empowered.
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